Snarky, Self-Effacing Blog Title

So I finally actually turned  30 this past Saturday, (thanks to everyone who pAArtied with me or emailed or called or wrote on my facebook wall, etc., etc., etc.).

And now that I’m looking forward to a few decades of colonoscopies and mammograms, I had been feeling pretty sorry for myself over this whole back thing, as the bad days got worse and the good days seemed fewer in number.  I actually caught a look at myself topless in the mirror (take a moment to regain composure, I know, the thought of such hotness is pretty overwhelming) and was kind of terrified to see that in no way is my ribcage above my hips.  My whole upper half kind of lilts to the left and my right hip sort of tilts up.   But I’m seeing a chiropractor.  And a neurologist (who prescribed me Vicodin.  Party at my place.)  And I’m getting an MRI and excercising and buying a mattress which costs more than my rent and blah blah blah.  And when the neurologist whacks my right knee reflex, it only sort of works.  So the nerve is damaged.  So I’m never going to run again or jump or haul bags of concrete, etc., etc,. etc.  Whimper, whine, wah wah ‘my p***y hurts’ and all that. (That’s a reference which will probably only confuse most people reading this, but for those of you who get it, it fits.)  And while baby-making seems to be no problem, baby-carrying is going to pose a pretty interesting challenge when the time comes (2010, for those of you planning on attending the shower.) 

So for the weeks leading up to my birthday, I was pretty ensconced in self-pity, bitterness, and resentment at the sh***y-ass birthday present fate had pooped on me.

And then I had a good week.  A really good week.  I’ve been taking fish oil, stretching and walking every day, avoiding strenuous activity, etc., etc., etc.  And I asked the doctor if I promise to stick to the easy walls and be belayed really tightly and not overdo it could I please, please, please, please, PLEASE go to the rock climbing gym?  He reluctantly said yes (knowing, I think, that I was going to do it regardless.)

So on Saturday, my actual birthday, Lorinne asked what I wanted to do with my day.  We went to the climbing gym.  (And let me say, my suspicions were right.  She’s a total natural at climbing.)  And I did NOT stick to the easy walls,  but neither did I overdo it, and Lorinne was a great belayer.  And it felt so good.  So, so, so good.  Not one iota of pain, save the moment I got a cramp in my hamstring and then tried to stretch it on the spot, hanging from the ledge.  I don’t recommend that.  Anyway, what I’m getting at is, it was actually the LEAST back-aggravating excercise I’ve done yet, including the excercises my chiropractor prescribed to me.  And more importantly, it was the first time in a long time I felt strong.  The first time I felt able.  The first time I felt NOT crippled and powerless and useless.

So.

Anyone who wants to come to the rock gym with me, I’ll totally pay your way. 

All this being said, I have been very, very negligent in my stretching for the past three days and am in pretty excruciating pain today.  Oh, well.  That’s why god made Advil.